You were so sure that I was done with this blog, weren't you!
Nope, not even in the slightest.
I've been feeling a little under-the-weather as of late. And my ability to handle life has narrowed way down into a classic case of tunnel vision. Lord willing, though, I am starting to feel better and can maybe accomplish more than just the basics of keeping my babies alive and fed.
So what has been wrong with me?
I'll get to that in a second....
First I thought I would share some of the highlights of our late spring time!
Sofie and John were in their last performance with the Westwood kids choir. John was an elephant,

Sofie was a "talker."

We listened to all their songs on CD ad-nauseum for a couple of months. But they had those songs down pat for the performances. I even heard Sofie singing one the songs the other day. Unfortunately, they were quiet catchy. Like can't-get-them-out-of-my-head!!! catchy.
We went camping a couple times in May and we had a blast both times.

The weather was unseasonably warm over Memorial Day. So I introduced an activity I did as a kid, to my own children. It's called, "Stand in a trout stream and walk down river" the kids had just as much fun as I remember having. I was really wishing for an inner-tube to float in... I didn't get any pictures of that water-fun. I was really in the throws of not feeling well at that point.
Also, my husband has been mildly obsessed with a Pilliated Wood Pecker that has been hammering at our trees that last couple of years. Supposedly you "never" see them.

So why have I been feeling so horrible? I'm sure that you have figured it out by now, but just in case you're stumped here's the entirely-too-long version of how I found myself where I am today...
This was my summer of races. I'm turning 36 this July and so I thought it would be fitting to do 6 races this summer. I had planned out which races I would run and had started training. The 2nd race that I ran was a 5k at the local Arboretum. I had ran a 5k just the weekend before and had felt great, so I was looking forward to this race.
I get into this race and I'm just getting winded so easily! I would walk for a bit, and then try to run again and just couldn't catch my breath. Well, I chalked it up to the massive hills, and starting out the race too fast. I thought for sure I would be feeling better by morning.
Well the next morning I go to workout and I have no stamina yet again. This niggling fear starts in the back of my head, what if?...
After a couple more anemic workouts that niggling fear starts to sound my like a booming gong. So after a workout one morning I go buy a, you guessed it, a home pregnancy test. I waited till Mike left and I had no little watchful prying eyes. I was thoroughly convinced it would be negative. Another baby was no where in MY future plans. I had had "close calls" like this before and it was always negative.
Well, that was not the way it went this time. Much to my utter shock and disbelief there was a second blue line that was so bold it could've been seen from space. WHAT ANOTHER BABY! I HAVE TO GO THROUGH ANOTHER C-SECTION AGAIN! (that's a little insight into the thoughts that were screaming around in my head)
I decided I would tell no one. No one! Not even Mike. I was so mad. I made breakfast, cleaned up the kids, did some chores... and dialed the phone. I didn't even say "hello" I just strangled out the words, "I'm pregnant" and sobbed.
I didn't tell another soul for a couple of weeks. I just couldn't accept enough in my own mind to be able to verbally announce it to someone else.
The 1st person I did tell was an old acquaintance that I saw randomly at the grocery store, I literally blurted out, "Tami! I'm pregnant!" I couldn't bring myself to tell my own mother, but somehow telling Tami was do-able? I decided it might be time to let in some of the outside world.
I did finally start to tell some people. If you spend any time around me you know that I'm constantly sick and in a bad mood from being sick. The "blowing up like a poisoned pup." has started in earnest and the aches and paines have started as well.
I am starting to handle the news better now. At 12 weeks, the news has had time to sink in. I'm coming to grips with the fact that all my negative emotions stem from selfishness. I wanted to run races this summer, I want to feel good and not get fat again. I don't want to do progesterone and morning sickness and c-sections again. I, I, I....
But when I look at my precious babies, who could not want another one of those God given blessings. I'm so thankful for the ability to carry another human life. I'm so thankful to hold those newborn babes in my arms.
I was thinking about heaven the other day and that there aren't going to be births and new born babies. So, truly, what a BLESSING God has given me to enjoy that gift here on earth.
So be ready for baby number 5 to, Lord willing, bless us in December! Another Christmas present from my Lord and Savior.